Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
