Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
