Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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