he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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