I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
