I feel like abortions should bother me more
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize