Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
