As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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