the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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