New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
