yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
