Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
