i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
