Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
