Your face is a jimmy john
I am in a vortex of obligation.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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