I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
