oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
