Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
