I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
