u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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