How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
