Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
