I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
