I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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