I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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