I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
