You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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