I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
