Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
