grandma shit on top of the toilet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
