Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Where is the hickey?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
