it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
