so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
