I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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