sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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