OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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