I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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