i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
