I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
