Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
