What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
