I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
