I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
