Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so explain again why im purple
no
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
