He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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