You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
