Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
