Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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