We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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