i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
