I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I deserve this hangover.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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