I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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