A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm like, not good at living.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
