becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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