He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
