I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
