If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
