if you like me you must not know who I am
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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