I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
