i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
