the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
