when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
