Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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