Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
