grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
