I am in a vortex of obligation.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
