sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
