I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
